Still Waiting

Monday, July 25, 2005

awwww....

feel like crying so much le..

saw eddie's blog.. =( so sad..

thanks eddie for the treat at sakae sushi.

anyways.. main point is.. how time flies.

the days of walking to interchange together hyperactively and laughing like a hyena is definitely dear and close to my heart.. but.. such things wldnt happen anymore you see. we've grown up, walking towards our own dreams and stuff.

i used to say i'm happy in tpjc cos all my girlfriends, i mean ALL, are in the same sch as me, even though it's not the same class, it doesnt really matter. and chang yu too.

but i realised i forgot about eddie. eddie? everytime we met out to play, we wld comment on how skinny he became. issit becos of stress in school, family, or simply bcos he felt lonely?

sighs.. =( i realised i was a bad friend. =( i wasnt caring enough towards eddie.. but i'll try to make it up to him.. =( imagine.. your gang of friends.. ALL got into a same institute, and you.. alone in a foreign place.... how heart wrenching can that be.

today mrs gay caught danny and viknesh playing and laughing in the auditorium during lecture. she commented something abt don't be friends with them, cos they're a bad influence. no doubt, they DO have certain bad influence, and this made me reflect on myself. am i a good friend? or am i a bad person who influence my friends negatively?

am i mature enough to think for my friends, advise them, did i care enough for them? did i sacrifice for them, or was i selfish towards them?

when i'm lonely.. when i felt the worse i cldnt get, i turn to my friends. but seldom they would be there for me. i contacted all of them, but just at that point of time, they were all unavailable. when they free and returned my call, usually i wld have finished crying and wldnt say a single thing.

i did blame my friends for not being there when i needed them.. but this thought often crossed my mind. Was i there when they needed me too? Am i the one they turn to first? Did i make an effort enough for them as a friend?

recently.. something happened and i cant bring myself to forget about this incident. forgiving is always easy, but forgetting is never easy. it always make a person feel hatred.

details of my bdae celebration is not spreaded to one of my friend. and he/she didnt contact us, and we thought that he/she was busy with his/her cca stuff. so we didnt contact him/her. but it turns out suddenly that he/she is free, but since we didnt contact him/her, he/she thought that there was nothing on. so he/she went out with his/her boyfriend/girlfriend and enjoyed herself/himself for the day.

now. i keep thinking that it's because my friend really didnt know about outing. but i cant help but think that the friend didnt contact us becos he/she wanted to go out with his/her darling.

haiz. issit true? or issit pure innocence? only the truth knows.

sighs sighs.. my ugly side of nature. god.. rid me of all selfishness.

-when are you coming back? ;